“But don’t you get lonely?”
I get asked that very regularly these days. The short answer is: not often.
Let me give you all some background about myself. I have 3 in-person classes this semester, and each of them has a lab. It comes out to about 15.75 hours of class time. Now, 5.25 hours of that are optional, so I often use that time to do other work (or sleep). I am the President of a club, and we meet for 2 hours every other week. We’ll add in 10 hours per week for miscellaneous stuff, like grocery shopping or being at the gym. Everything else that I do generally takes place online. Let’s do that math, shall we?
⇾ 15.75 hours of class time + 1 hour of my club + 10 hours of miscellaneous stuff = 26.75 hours of human interaction weekly
⇾ 26.75 hours of human interaction – 5.25 hours of optional human interaction = 21.5 hours of required human interaction
⇾ 9 hours of sleep on average x 7 days per week = 63 hours sleeping
⇾ 168 hours per week – 63 hours sleeping = 105 hours being awake
⇾ 21.5 hours of required human interaction / 105 hours being awake = 20.45% of my waking hours during the week involve to human interaction
Every so often, I’ll go to events at my university or nearby (like Questival this weekend!), but that’s really about it. Other than that, I just sit in my apartment and do work, eat, relax, etc. I only really talk to my three roommates (mainly Margaret, my best friend of two years) and my boyfriend, Ayush, who lives in another city nearby. With almost 80% of my time being spent in my apartment, I guess that I can understand why people may think I’m lonely.
Here’s the big secret, though: I really like to be alone.
Being an introvert
For the introverts out there, you probably understand. You watched those shows and movies about college (I’m looking at you, Pitch Perfect), and became terrified at the reoccurring theme of the social outcast becoming the popular, social butterfly. Being around a group of several people for the majority of your time, even without the acapella, makes you exhausted just to think about. Building your time around meals and outings with people everyday seems highly inconvenient and irritating. If that’s describes you, chances are we are very similar.
Here’s a great example of just how introverted I am: On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have a group project class. Most people hate group projects, but I honestly will build my schedule around courses that do not include group projects. To everyone thinking that I just need to learn to work in a group: I know how to work in groups, I just choose to do so very selectively. I have to spend a couple hours before that class just psyching myself up for meeting with my group. After only 1.25 hours, I head home and pretty much just collapse to begin my multi-hour recovery process.
A combination of social anxiety and introversion combines to create a singular, overarching truth: I find socialization, or even being in a room of people without saying anything, to be mentally and physically draining.
Being around real people
Of course, there are times when I do want physical company, rather than just via text or the internet. When that happens, I’ll see if Ayush is able to hang out or if Margaret is in the apartment. I find it much easier to be around them because they do not expect me to engage in small talk. We can sit in the same room and do work or have deep talks, which gives me the opportunity to spend meaningful time with people that I care about.
The gist of it
I do not feel the need to be around people all of the time, or even half of the time. I am perfectly fine being by myself. There is an art, I think, to being able to spend time with yourself and be content. I treat myself to home-cooked meals everyday, give myself time to do things that I love (like writing!), and allow myself to reflect on where I am in my life, as compared to where I want to be. Also, I save a lot of money by not going out a lot!
So, don’t worry about me! Go out and enjoy yourselves. I’ll be here in my comfy pajamas watching some YouTube videos and eating slightly burnt food that I made. I’m sure you’ll see me eventually, probably wearing my headphones and not making any eye contact with anyone!