“Perhaps I’m old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied. …I’d rather be happy than right any day.” – Slartibartfast, The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
The past few weeks have made me rethink my goals and dreams for the future. Throughout all of the confusing nonsense that has occurred inside of my brain and the unexpected events that have transpired, I’ve found the above quote from Slartibartfast in The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy to be true. To really explain this, I suppose that I’ll have to provide a synopsis of the last few weeks. You may want to grab a cup of tea and perhaps a snack because this will be a long post.
“A cup of tea would restore my normality.” – Arthur, The Guide
Life since my return from Montreal hasn’t really been my cup of tea.
These past few weeks have been pretty stressful, so I have been drowning my stress with English Breakfast tea. In the 13 days since I’ve returned to the United States, my life has been completely turned upside down.
In Montreal, I realized that the whole plan that I’d developed for my life wasn’t the only plan out there. Suddenly, I was at a loss for what I wanted to do with my life and who I wanted to be. I noticed that I felt the same way that many people probably do: that I’d been pretending to be someone else for so long that I had no idea who I was anymore. Every single day, I would wake up and have to remember exactly which parts of myself that I would need to hide or alter that day. Over time, the different versions of myself began to blend together and I couldn’t figure out which one of them was the real me anymore.
“Don’t Panic.” – The Guide
I decided that I didn’t want to live like that anymore; I wanted to figure out who I really was and where I wanted my life to end up. That revelation made me feel like I needed to make a change so that I could start thinking this through. So, I made the decision to leave a long-term, live-in relationship. I’ve spent the better part of the last 6 years with this person, so it was a very difficult choice. As a result, I’ve moved from Raleigh back to Charlotte for the summer.
After ending a relationship with someone and moving 121 miles away to live in another city, on top of my job and internship, I think I’ve earned a cup of tea (or maybe like 30). These were decisions that I made, so I take responsibility the stress that I’ve put on myself. I just didn’t entirely realize how much tea it would take for me to get my bearings again!
“Where do I fit?” – Random, The Guide
Now that I’ve started down this path, I have to figure out where I want my future to go. Thinking about my new goals for the future, I think I’ve determined my new dream.
I want to be able to pack everything that I need in luggage that I can easily carry on my own and travel around while making a living from this blog.
I thought that I had everything figured out, but I now realize that I don’t. It’s a very scary thought, but I think that I am okay with it for once. I’d rather be happy with who I am and where I’m going, than right about a plan that I concocted years ago and never changed.